First off, they’re shoving their fingers in the shape of an ‘L’ in my face! Hello! That’s what you say when you think someone is a loser! I don’t even know these people and they have judged me as an unworthy loser already!
No thanks, Glee, I’ll stick with William Shakespeare.
I’m rather sick and tired of all these little Wicked fan-girls with their dreams of seeing the cast from Glee and Zac Efron play the characters from the musical Wicked. Furthermore, all the fan-videos I have seen are all to pop music! Where does that leave the rest of us anti-Glee, rock-and-metal-loving heterosexual guy-fans of Wicked?
Back in ‘09, I took it upon myself to make Wicked fan-videos to my favorite metal and rock songs. Everything, from Black Sabbath and Dio to Metallica, Megadeth and beyond! Unfortunately, I was the only one who gave a shit about those videos, and the damn YouTube police finally got to me. Only one video remains on my account that serves as any proof that I had ever been there.
But I can look back with pride and say that I enjoyed the adventure. It helped me conquer many of my demons, do battle with many others and even reconcile myself with Kerry Ellis. Those videos probably won’t be put back up, because idk how to get them off a DVD format and it would take too long to remake. But at least you have the one…
Simone Simons I chose because she’s the only metal mezzo-soprano I know of. I mean, she is a diva and that would probably make working with her a pain (especially considering who I chose for Nessarose), but at least it would appeal to the elitist fans of metal. So, she’s Elphaba.
As for Glinda, that’s a hard choice to make because Glinda is exactly what metal is not and the Wicked fan-girls are: girly, silly, giggling and pink all over. In regards to looks, I would say Maria Brink, since she’s cute and In This Moment is a little more of a popular, modern metal band. However, all I’ve heard from her are her screaming, and that would be as bad as putting Angela Gossow in the role. Anette Olzon of Nightwish is definitely a better alternative. She might look a little old, but she can sing, and has a little bit more of a Bjork air about her, rather than the typical Tarja-Turunen-wanna-be of most female metal vocalists. Plus, I would love to hear her lovely Swedish accent speaking Glinda’s funny lines.
My first choice for Nessarose is Amy Lee. She’s rock enough to be included, but has a soft, mournful voice that would work very well in “The Wicked Witch of the East.” The only problem I foresee is that Simone Simons hates Amy Lee, and has called her ‘pop’ more than once.
Choosing the boy-roles is a no-brainer, since heavy metal and rock are full of tenors. However, the youth of the singer is also needful, so there will be no Bruce Dickinson or Rob Halford as Fiyero or Boq. Sorry. So I go for the more youthful tenors, and I still have a wide range of selection. For Fiyero, I have chosen Roy Khan, former vocalist of Kamelot. He has a very cool Norwegian accent, is an epic tenor who can reach hair-raising highs and sentimental lows, and could pass off as the young Fiyero, since he has gone clean-shaven before.
Boq is another no-brainer. The musical presents him as a whiny, childish character, so definitely someone from the ‘post-hardcore’ or ‘emo’ genres, since they love doing that so well. I have some reservations about Gerard Way, since he reminds me too much of the dick from high school who tried to kill me (on the very day I saw Wicked, mind you), and my own personal disdain for MCR, but in the end, I think anyone else would just be too whiny.
And now for everybody else: the members of the cast that nobody gives a shit about! lol, well, except for me. Once again, there is only one contralto that I know of in heavy metal. Unfortunately, Lacuna Coil singer Cristina Scabbia is far too hot to imagine dressed up in a huge dress with white face-paint and a powdered wig. Still, she might be able to pull it off, even if she looks like a ‘young’ Madam Morrible: Carol Kane doesn’t look very old out of costume, and she pulled the role off stunningly. Dr. Dillamond, my favorite character of the male roles in Wicked, is harder to do. There are almost no baritones in Wicked, and having Corey Taylor play a role that Elphaba looks up to doesn’t fit well with me. Nor does it seem right to have Glenn Danzig portray him. Fortunately, there is one who might be able to do it rightly. Kristoffer “Garm” Rygg of the Norwegian experimental band Ulver would sound very good as Dr. Dillamond, especially his Arcturus-era vocals (La Masquerade Infernale to be precise), which sound very scholarly: he’s even got the facial hair to boot!
Now we come to another baritone character: The Wizard. There are just not enough baritones in metal to fit the requirements. Even if I could call Peter Steele back from the grave, his monotonous Boris Karloff-esque croaking would bore the listeners out of the parts that the fan-girls hate already. Corey Taylor just seems too young to play the Wizard, and though he’s definitely in the correct range, Rammstein’s Till Lindemann is just a little too lewd to portray the Wizard. No, what we need is someone with persona, someone who can liven up the parts that the fans don’t like and make them the parts the fans will love. We need someone with character, someone funny, who can really make people laugh and smile, even when the Wizard has to be the bad-guy.
And what better person to do that than Ozzy Osbourne? Besides, people say his voice is thrashed, so he can’t reach the highs he did before, and therefore as good as a baritone.
You like? Who should I have chosen instead…of the metal and rock genres?
1. Worst fear - dying without a purpose 2. Lyrics to describe your mood - “Caught in the middle” 3. Song that I am listening to right now - “Sabbath Bloody Sabbath” by Godspeed 4. Someone that I dislike with a passion - Varg Vikernes and my father 5. A sexual question - Do I make you horny? 6. Favorite movie(s) - Sound of Music 7. Favorite television show(s) - The Tudors 8. Horny or not? - not right now 9. A celebrity crush - Emmy Rossum, probably 10. Kill, Fuck, or Marry - you? idk, you’d probably kill me 11. Rate my blog? - 1/20 12. A trivia question - How many guitarists are currently in Iron Maiden? 13. Current location - somewhere 14. Favorite band(s) - METALLICA 15. A random question - what do you like? 16. A true fact - i am 21 17. A false statement - i love Glee 18. A place you would like to visit - Europe 20. A future vocation (dream job) - be in a band/act on stage/direct and film movies 21. Single or not? - single 22. Your full name - why do you want to know? 23. A sport you play - none 24. The name of your school (middle, high, university) - not affiliated currently 25. What grade are you in? - 3rd year of College 26. How old are you - 21 27. Ask whatever you want - What kind of music do you like? 28. Do you find yourself attractive - oh hell no 29. A person you regret dating - my ex! 30. Your favorite comedian - Gabriel Iglesias 31. A band that you hate - Burzum, Mayhem, Led Zeppelin, MCR, 10 Years, Green Day, Epica, Tarja, Slayer, Kanye West, Fall Out Boy, Panic! At the Disco, Idina Menzel 32. Your favorite color - black, green, blue, red 33. Drugs? Alcohol? Sex? - none of the above
I know that this is going to make me even more of an outsider - as if I wasn’t enough already, being a metal-head and a straight Wicked-fan - but I don’t care for popularity.
I believe in God. There, I said it. It’s true, I don’t think our universe in all of its innumerable complexities could have possibly come about by accident or chance. It all works perfectly, each part making the whole exist. There’s just too much intricacy to have come about by some intergalactic explosion that reorganized everything in the exact way needed to sustain life.
Does that make me a Christian? No, it does not. I believe in Christ as the Son of God, but that still does not make me a Christian. I know that I do things that are ‘wrong’, and therefore it would put Christ to shame to have Him call me one of His children, since I do not act in accordance to His will all the time, as He wishes of me.
Now that I’ve stated that, I will state another truth: those who do not act as Christ would act are not worthy of the name Christian. It doesn’t matter if you believe in Jesus Christ as the Son of God, because even the demons believe and tremble, so belief is no guarantee of salvation (James 2:19). You need to live a life worthy of Christ, one that would make Him smile and proudly declare you as His child!
"But that’s impossible", you say. "We’re not perfect." But nothing is impossible with God! (Luke 1:37) You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to accept Christ’s love and sacrifice as a total and complete payment for your sins, and then, relying only on Him, face evil and temptation in victory, being able to come off more than conquerors (Romans 8:37).
Why haven’t you done that, you may return, if you describe it so easy. I’ve tried, believe me I have, but I could never seem to really make the decision and know that it was valid: it just seemed like a wish-washy pledge made in fear. It would mean more, I know, if I could have the love of God revealed to me in my life.
Unfortunately, that seems to be impossible to find. Those who call themselves Christians are hypocrites of the worst sort! They bring Christ to shame, and give atheists ground to mock Christ and throw all faith to the wind by reason of the hypocrisy of Christians! For example, you know that everyone knows that the Christians are anti-gay. Some would even go so far as to say that God hates gays - no, He does not hate gay people, he hates what you do! It’s a sin, as bad as theft in His eyes, and will be dealt with accordingly. There’s no special place in Hell reserved for gays (Hell is not like what Dante said in The Inferno). God does not hate gay people, He loves them just as much as He loves the rapist, the atheist and the Satanist. All He asks is that they give up their love of self and choose rather to love the One who gave up His life for them even when they were spitting in His face and saying that they didn’t need Him.
Now I don’t hate gay people. But what about Leviticus 18:22? You know that most people who quote Leviticus as proof that “God hates gays” are evangelicals who believe the Law of Moses was nailed to the Cross? So what’s the deal here, people: are you going to use the Law as a weapon against people you refuse to love, even though you don’t really believe in the Law or keep it yourselves? “Oh, but don’t judge! Only God can judge!” I’m not judging, and I hate it when people use Matthew 7:1 as an excuse to break the Law and sin as much as they want. I’m not judging you, I see it as my duty as your brother in Christ to inform you that what you are doing is wrong. For your own salvation, I urge you to think with love rather than with hate, and present yourselves as if you were showing the world what Christ is all about by your day-to-day actions.
Once again I say that I don’t hate gay people. In a way, they’re just like the rest of us: they love their sin too much to get rid of it and trade it for eternity. But what about gay Christians? Excuse me, but here is where I must draw the line. If you’re going to call yourself a Christian - a follower of Christ, one who is duty-bound to uphold His example - and then stay in something that is sinful, then you’re just as bad as these hypocritical evangelicals. That is the heart of the matter: people don’t live up to the name of Christian.
Now how dare I quote ‘the most evil man alive’, but Anton LaVey had a point when he said that ‘if you’re going to be evil, be evil to the fullest.’ (that’s paraphrased, of course. I haven’t read the Satanic bible, but I know that LaVey used that line before). In contrast, if you’re going to be a Christian, be the best Christian out there! Don’t settle for ‘imperfection’ and a life of reveling in your sin, when God said that nothing is impossible! Believe in whatever you want to believe - whether Jew, Muslim, Catholic, Protestant, Adventist, Evangelical, Mormom or whatever - but live up to that belief! Yes, we are imperfect, evil human beings and it is inevitable that we will sin (Luke 17:1), but through the power of a perfect being, through whom ALL things are possible, we need have no fear of failing.