Seriously, even before I had watched any Kevin Smith movie, I was hearing people ranting and raving about “Oh, indie contractors on the second Death Star, Rebels committed murder!”, that typical stupid bullshit (which i shall refute in another blog). When I finally saw Clerks (worst ninety-two minutes of my life), I saw where it came from, and then I saw Clerks II and I saw something that I think nobody has mentioned, especially here on tumblr…

The impracticality of Superman and Lois Lane.

So, if I’m not entirely mistaken, this scene takes place somewhere between the beginning of the Pickle fucker and “Porch Monkey” scenes, where Randal is usually whining about some impracticality in classic comics. This time, however, it was about our favorite superhero/human couple: Lois and Clark.

Randal said that, due to Superman’s super strength, sex with Lois Lane would be deadly for her. Even a kryptonite condom wouldn’t work, as it would kill Superman (i wonder if there would be any adverse effects on taking Lois to a planet with a red sun). This even got ‘parodied’ quite a bit in Smallville, about how strong Clark is and how improbable and potentially dangerous sex with a human could be. Then Randal suggested the ship of the century, the one I had never thought of in my whole life, one that would be biologically safe for both partners…

Superman and Wonder Woman!

Now, plenty of you tumblr-ites have been shipping Wonder Woman and Batman, obviously you think he needs someone since Superman has Lois, but here’s the thing. Apart from Bruce Wayne being a playboy, and I don’t think the women-power Diana would go for being just another ‘lay’, she has super-human strength as well. What happens when they’re on the job and Batman, being the bad-ass he is, gets her to climax and she crushes him with her super-strong legs? Or what if she’s clawing his back and leaves huge scars?

Sorry, I couldn’t resist (I’ll be back again with reviews on the Star Wars saga very soon)

Even before i read the books, i knew in my heart that the Elves coming to Helm’s Deep was a bad idea. Let’s look at the evidence in the movies to the contrary…

Fellowship of the Ring, Elrond has this big speech with Gandalf where he says “Men are weak, the race of Men is failing…there’s no strength left in the world of Men.” Obviously, he has no more faith in the human race (and, seeing Tumblr and the norwegian black metal kvlties, i don’t either).

“The time of the Elves is over, my people are leaving these shores”, says Elrond in FotR. In the extended version, we even see Gildor’s company leaving Middle Earth. In Two Towers, Galadriel reminds Elrond (and the audience) that the time of the Elves is over. So if they’re supposed to be deserting Middle Earth, why are there enough to be sent to war?

And if Elrond is a racist dick, with no faith in Men, who manipulated Arwen into breaking her promise and going into the West, why is he supplying Rohan with an army?

Of course, reading the book shows that there were NO elves at Helm’s Deep at all (except for Legolas, who NEVER surfed on a shield), so not only do i have logical evidence and careful observation on my side, but i have Professor JRR Tolkien as well.

Your argument was never valid to begin with

Almost ten years of awesomeness all over the world, and hoping that there will be a movie, and then it gets announced…wait for it…

lea michele, a gleek, is portraying Elphaba!

Wicked has been officially killed, thank you very much. Whereas the show appealed to everyone, only gleeks will like Wicked now.

Damn it! Why couldn’t they have gotten someone who can actually sing, rather than these auto-tuned, annoying gleeks? (don’t patronize me, i was forced to listen to a glee song…and I would rather listen to slayer or manowar than anything by glee). I mean, i know glee is popular, but to put someone in a lead just because they’re popular is like remaking the Ten Commandments with Kanye West as Moses

here’s what I think to this awful travesty…

If Romney wins, I get to hear all of you “open-minded” tumblr-trolls prove to me that mankind is beyond saving by all of your hate-mongering, intolerant bile.

If Obama wins, it’s four more years of higher taxes, higher gas prices, fewer jobs and censored internet for yours truly.

Rules, without exceptions, last eternally
Every move you make creates your destiny
I’ve come to soak my sorrow in halo black
As black as the seal on my soul!

‘Cuz When the Lights are Down
There’s no more to say
Love is the real pain!
An eternal revolution in my mind!

And When the Lights are Down
You’re so far away
Tell me your real name!
In the Silence of the Darkness, we unite

Rules, without exceptions, last eternally
Every move you make creates your destiny
What can protect me from the past
And all the things that I’ve done?
She told me, and then she was gone!

But When the Lights are Down
There’s no more to say
Deep in the shadows!
Where the last of my delusions made a stand!

‘Cuz When the Lights are Down
She’ll take me away
Tell me her real name!
And in death, we’ll live the love we never had!

Welcome, all ye faithful!
Beneath the moon, beneath the moon
Into the Void as one, marching on!

‘Cuz When the Lights are Down
There’s no more to say
Love is the real pain!
An eternal revolution in my mind!

‘Cuz When the Lights are Down
She’ll take me away
Tell me her real name!
And in death, we’ll live the love we never had!

Kamelot - When the Lights are Down

Kamelot - When the Lights are Down [live]

that gay people have stereotypes about heterosexual relationships also?

So it’s possible for gays to hate, which means they’re human after all

When you realize that you really don’t have any friends at all…

Once I looked like this…

Now I look like this, just thinner…

So why am I still single?